The beginning of the beginning: Part 2

I use to work with an information technology that has been called "only second to nuclear technology in complexity". I don't know about that, but I do know that comparatively very few people know as much as I do about it. I also know it's an expensive technology to bring into a company's portfolio. For a consulting or engineering firm to get into this market and compete, it would need to invest about one million dollars. The clients end up being government agencies because very few private organizations have the need or money to purchase the services.

Why is all that important? Because in an economy shedding hundreds of thousands of jobs, it isn't easy to find work with such a specialized background. As the weeks went by my life changed drastically. I went from making over $6000 per month to living off unemployment that totaled $960 per month. I lost everything. That's not exaggerating even a little bit.

I found myself standing in line at the Department of Economic Security applying for "nutrition assistance" (a.k.a. food stamps), cash assistance and medical coverage for myself and my son. I didn't qualify for cash. I could get $160 per month if I gave up my $240 per week in unemployment. I got $56 per month in food stamps not to exceed five months of benefits. I was denied medical, but as a first time applicant they covered me for 5 months. My son has unlimited medical coverage and for that I'm extremely thankful. But I have to tell you - standing in that line at DES was the most humbling experiences of my life.

I moved back in with my ex-wife. Fortunately we get along well and I will be forever grateful to her. Honestly, I was faced with living in my car. Things just kept getting worse and worse, and I was getting down on myself. My family and friends frequently quoted the Bible, and I'd read the passages they talked about. The more I read and received the word of God into my heart the easier it was to deal with things. I started going to an awesome church in the far west valley. I became involved in the church by attending classes and joining a home team.

I believe there are three aspects of everyone's life that require nurturing: mind, body and spirit. It's like a tripod. If one leg is longer or shorter than the other two, the tripod is out of balance and will tumble over. Before becoming a member of the church, my tripod was tipping over, but it was sinking into the ground - all the leg locks were loose and I was no longer standing tall. Addressing my spiritual needs strengthened my tripod but I was still in danger of tipping over.

In January of this year, I started taking classes to complete a degree in human services. This helped nurture my mind. It helped exercise my brain. It gave me something to focus on besides my situation. It also creates opportunity for me, so I can start a new career.

Still, my tripod was out of balance. I had addressed my spiritual and intellectual needs, but my physical needs weren't being met. When you're depressed you don't realize the destructive things you're doing. Food was my destructive habit. I was eating crap and lots of it. I gained 15 or 20 pounds. One day I looked in the mirror and was disgusted by how I looked.

In a long-ago life, I ran high school track and cross country. For a few years after graduating, I continued running. Then I got married and had a son and life happened. But I remember how great running is not only for my physical health but also for my mental health. It's a great way to work through all the things my brain is struggling with; great for stress. I've decided to return to running, but you have to crawl before you can walk and I have to walk before I can run, so there's where I am in the process. For the last two weeks, I've walked about 2.5 miles a day, which is about 30 - 40 minutes of exercise. I'm already feeling better and at some point I'll actually start running.

All around I'm rebuilding my life. I'm raising every leg of the tripod and locking them in, so there's no more slippage. God will be my rock, my foundation and running will be my vessel.

So, the purpose of this blog is to capture how running changes my life; to share my observations, experiences, emotions and growth. I know...sounds pretty boring. We'll see how it goes.

The beginning of the beginning: Part 1

Just a little over six months ago I was laid off from a consulting firm. I was the only one in the company who had my skill set and the company could have parlayed my experience, my knowledge and my connections into a profit generating center. Instead, they had presidents and vice presidents and senior level managers jetting all over the country, from one conference to another, trying to sell themselves and a technology they neither understood nor actually had the capability to produce. Instead of sending me and the only other person in the company with the intellectual capacity to create and market this service, they made promise after promise to large and small government agencies. As I repeatedly told them, when they sit across the table from these potential clients it would be obvious to said clients that these numb nuts were full of shit and they'd never get a job. And as you probably already guessed, they never got a job and I got laid off.

They gave me two-days notice, no severance pay and cut-off my medical benefits. Are you kiddin' me? What a bunch of assholes! At first I was extremely bitter. I wrote scurrilous blogs on MySpace about the management. In one I referred to them as rat kings. Do you know what a rat king is? Oh, it's freakin' disgusting! And my anger and resentment just flowed from there. Somehow they found out and let me know. You know, I honestly didn't care at the time. But after I got over it, I thought it wasn't the way I wanted to portray myself, so I took it down. Not because I gave a rat's ass about how they felt about it...let's be perfectly clear about that.

My whole world just fell apart. I was making $75,000 a year. I had bills. Even more importantly, I have a young son. Now I had no way to help his mother support him. I couldn't afford to provide medical insurance. It was a scary time. I kept thinking, "What if something happens to him or me? Eventually something did happen to him.

He was playing with the neighbor kids; running down the street with a kid following closely behind on a bicycle. He fell and the kid ran over him. Oh my God! The screaming and crying made the hair stand up on the back of my neck! Then I calmed down and checked on him. ;) Just kiddin'. But he did scream and cry and was black and blue all over with a scattered road rash to add a splash of color. He had tire tread marks across his wrist and down his leg. Thankfully nothing was broken. This was the beginning of the beginning for me and the rest of my life.